


Laugh and Cry

by Ralux



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Memory Loss, Multi, Partial Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-01-18 08:34:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12384642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralux/pseuds/Ralux
Summary: Gon is saved by Killua once again but this time it will have some consequences Gon didn't expect and has no idea whatsoever how to deal with. However, it might just lead to their relationship strengthening after the reunion (current 17 y/o)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a story I wanted to make in order to solve the issue a lot of people have been angry about in the past or some even now, let's say. That is creating an arc for Gon's redemption when they are older and reunite. By redemption I don't mean anything serious lol I have no problem with Gon but this is the only way I could insert the "amnesia" big theme.  
> I hope you enjoy it because I've really wanted to write for this lovely and amazing fandom for a while

It was a rather cloudless, serene day. The sun was up showing its warm embracing rays. None of them would have anticipated what was about to come. That day seemed like nothing discerning or malicious could happen. That’s where they were wrong. It can always get better or worse, regardless of the current event. So what started as a day in which Gon and Killua should have wandered around Masadora and visit around the lively and high-spirited place turned out to be a disaster.

“Where do you want to go first?” Killua asked his best friend while rolling extremely well on the skateboard. Only he could be actually gracious while riding a skateboard.

“I was thinking” Gon responded with his beaming smile like usual “first grabbing something to eat.”

Killua smiled back.

“Sounds good to me.” But just then it had to happen. Gon had to do it again. Risking his own skin for something be it a small or big matter. Gon spotted a stray dog innocently making weeping sounds. What was the cause of its distress? A fast car of the latest technology approached one of the roads where said dog was standing aware of what was about to come.

“Killua look!” He shouted with a worried expression. But before the white haired boy could answer Gon was already dashing to the puppy. Typical him.

They were not going to make it, Killua thought. Terrified of what could happen if he hadn’t intervened, without giving a second thought to his own well-being (when it came to _him_ ) Killua used his efficient ability, super God speed. But even so, he only managed to get Gon, who was tightly embracing the puppy, out of the way.  As soon as he did that, Killua didn’t have enough time to avoid the imminent crash and even if this was Killua, the speeding car hit him too strongly to not have any impact. The said vehicle crashed into him which led to Killua to rapidly roll over the road. Gon watched terrified. Blood came rushing out of his nose and head since he took a direct hit landing on the cold ground. Gon could only think of one thing, that it was his fault. He was partly right. Killua did it for him but it was on his own accord so both were involved. Gon couldn’t shake off the guilt as he let the poor puppy go and rushed to his friend’s side.

“KILLUA!!!” He screamed at the top of his lungs. He softly but swiftly raised his body from the road. After that Gon did what Killua had done countless times for him in times of need. He placed him on his back in an attempt to quickly run to the nearby hospital. As Killua was given a piggyride, he was barely concious. Gon couldn’t contain himself and asked:

“Why did you do that? Why did you do that Killua?” Tears slowly formed in his eyes. “That was meant to be for me.”

“That’s because… you always put yourself in danger… idiot.” Killua barely managed to answer. As they marched forward, Killua lost consciousness. He was tough alright but given the head injury it won’t go as smoothly as other times. His misfortune was to land on a rock when he headed to the ground. A hard rock.

“Hang in there..” Gon managed to utter as he was trying to run as fast as he could. He noticed Killua losing consciousness which made him extremely unneasy.

Upon arriving to the hospital, one paramedic received them to give the injured boy first aid. As he announced a doctor of the emergency, they waited a bit more and the doctor arrived as fast as he could. Killua’s situation was taken over by the specialist as both the paramedic and the doctor transported him to the surgery room. Gon could just wait.

The crashing reality was before him. Cold and palpable. Gon was one more time selfish letting his best friend in the whole world take up the greatest task. He wanted to cry. He wanted to punch himself and take all the blame but then he would be making the same mistake all over again not having matured at all, not keeping a cold head when most needed. They were almost 17 after all. He had to take up a step and change himself.

After what could be called an eternity and after Gon made sure he called Leorio to break the disturbing news of Killua’s condition, one of the medics walked out of the surgery room. Gon, without wasting any minute, rushed to him panting and worriedly asked: “Is Killua alright? Will he get better? Please tell me!” The said man took of his gloves and breathed relaxed as if a big danger just passed, so upon seeing Gon’s worried expression, he nodded calmly showing a corner smile. “Yes, don’t worry about it.”It still wasn’t enough of an explanation but it seemed fine to say the least. Killua will get better. That was all that mattered to Gon so his shoulders managed to relax and his breathing to even. The doctor went on: “He suffered a head concussion and some minor injuries but besides a hazy memory and a headache he should be fine in the next few days.” Gon’s eyes literally sparkled as he showed his big beaming smile. “THANK YOU! Thank you for saving Killua.”

Gon was not given permission to see Killua yet but Leorio showed up after a while keeping him company. Bisky did the same after hearing the news. She kept in touch more often than Kurapika, who was now in the center of Leorio’s dissatisfaction:

“That bastard Kurapika still isn’t answering. Damn it.” He walked by the hospital’s corridors back and forth. “Killua is in this condition and he doesn’t even know. Does he even care? Taking up all kind of dubious underground jobs. Think he’s a big shot or what?” Leorio was practically fuming but it was still pretty comical to watch.

Gon was just smiling at the sight.

“Kurapika is pretty busy these days. Maybe we shouldn’t bother him. But thank you so much for coming, we appreciate it.”

Bisky was just casually sitting next to Gon on a chair.

“For God’s sake” she started her lecture as usual. “No matter what you do trouble follows you around. You never learn, do you? And here I thought you growing up would change some things.” She massaged her temples in annoyance. “But I guess I can’t ask that of Ging’s son or a Zoldyck for that matter. You’re such a terrific team.”

Gon chuckled. He couldn’t agree more, Bisky was right as usual. Just then their discussions were interrupted by a female assistant who approached them: “Killua is awake.” Their eyes shot like an arrow. “You can enter his room if you want.” They immediately rushed to his side entering the room. “Please one or two at a time.” The medical assistan tried to stop the three by calling them out. “You don’t want to disturb the patient. He is still under observation so his health and mental condition are the utmost priority.” Gon stopped in his tracks. They agreed for Bisky and then Leorio to enter. When they stepped out of the room, they both smiled reassuring Gon once again.

“Go on.” Bisky tapped his shoulder. “He is the same as always. Energic with a full apetite.”

“Yeah, too energic if you ask me.” Leorio added.

Bisky realised the look in Gon’s eyes. It was guilt and uncertainity. Before entering she whispered to him:

“Look, it’s not your fault, alright?” Gon just nodded not convinced smiling back.

Once he entered, the image of Killua throwing himself in a sea of sweets and chocolate enveloped Gon’s entire sight.

“Mm… hello” he gretted as he kept on munching on each of the flavours in bliss. “Want some, I got plenty.” Killua offered two chocolate bars. Gon stared at him for a bit and then started laughing.

“What’s so funny, idiot?” Killua raised a brow and threw them in Gon’s direction. Killua really was the same as always.

“No, sorry, I was just… who gave you all these?”

“I asked the nurse of course. She is pretty nice.” He too stared at Gon suspiciously long... and somehow… confused? Gon thought as Killua offered him a seat on one of the chair’s beside the bed.

“So…” he started somewhat nervously “how are you feeling?”

“I’m pretty good. Nothing bad or entirely damaged. You know me, I’m a tough nut. It’s just…” Killua seemed hesitant which made Gon realise something was off. “Just what?”

“It’s just… I can’t really remember some stuff. I mean I don’t know exactly what happened or how I got here besides of the details the doctor told me about. I pretty much recognized Leorio, Bisky was put a bit in a haze in my mind but after we talked I totally remembered what was important and how we met and all that.” Gon felt an apprehensive feeling. “But the only problem is… I can’t remember you very well.” Gon’s heart stopped for some moments. “What..?” He asked incredously.

Killua realised immediately the terror in his eyes, that was what he was afraid about. He waved his hand dismissively in an attempt to reassure Gon somehow. “No, I mean, it’s not that I don’t remember you _at all_.. I know we’ve been friends and had fun together but the problem is I don’t quite remember events and facts specifically. Like you are a blurr in my memory and I know you are there but can’t touch your figure, it’s not palpable. Does it make any sense?” He stopped and after watching Gon’s blank expression he went on. “I know I tried to save you or something… at least that was the doctor’s explanation and what you told him I guess.

Gon answered back. “Yes...I did.” Killua didn’t remember Gon. Not specifically. He did maybe but obviously big parts were missing. 

Killua took Gon’s shoulders and poked him in the head. “Come on, I know we are friends. Don’t give me that look. I will remember in time if you help me and tell me stuff I suppose.”

“Yes… that’s right, isn’t it?” Gon hollowly uttered trying to convince himself and not seem so sad in front of Killua. It was painful and hurtful. There was a long way ahead but I guess this was the price to pay. For all the times Gon was not aware of what he was doing to Killua, for the time he had given Killua a traumatic experience… that’s what Gon thought he had to do. “I will have him rememeber me… I’ll pay for it.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story goes on as Killua goes uphill and downhill on his memory line

He still had to take some medicine but other than that exiting the hospital wouldn’t be a problem. The only issue at hand were the confusing feelings Killua held towards Gon. He knew they were close but at the same time a heavy emotion overwhelmed him as if he was missing a very important part. Obviously he didn’t remember the adventures and hardships with the Chimera Ants too well. He knew he had travelled the world some alone some with his new found bestie. But what came after that?

“Killua, I don’t think you should get discharged so soon. I am still concerned.” Gon said with a furrowed expression.

Killua waved his hand. “Don’t be so haggard. It’s me we’re talking about here.”

“Your overconfidence could bring you a lot of trouble, did you consider that?” Gon asked a bit pissed.

“Well I’ve got you to count on!” Killua showed a sly smile.

Gon stopped in his tracks. Where did he hear that again? Oh, right, those were his own words. He counted on Killua to stop him when any crazy idea of his arised and could get out of control. It was his turn now.

“Yeah... but I won’t always be there to nag you. I’m not even good at that, aunt Mito is.”

Upon hearing that name Killua stopped for a bit to think. He recognized the name but tried to remember the specific person.

“You don’t remember her?”

“She’s your aunt, right? We visited her before, I think.”

Gon nodded. “Yes, we did. You visited my home town, Whale Island.”

“I have a feeling I really liked it there. Did we go visit around and on field trips?”

“We totally did!” Gon answered glowing. Maybe Killua did remember more stuff but then his expectations were seemingly crushed.

“Ah I thought that might be the case. I don’t remember them but just the name <<Whale Island>> sounds pretty terrific.” Killua smiled to himself. “I’d like to go there once again, to be more aware of that.” But then the white haired boy realised his last words. He realised what impact this might have on his long-time bestfriend, he was a smart guy. “I mean not that I was not aware before…”

Gon cut him off with a weak smile. “It’s fine.” He took one of Killua’s bagagge that was placed on the floor. “Let’s hurry up, since you are discharged today we might as well save some time.” Killua was not sure how to handle this stuff, this delicate situation. Gon seemed to read his mind: “To visit around I mean.” He didn’t want to think saving time meant getting away from his best friend, on the contrary.

“Gon.” Killua said before following Gon’s motion. “I want to remember. I will probably soon.” These words were extremly reassuring for what was worth of Gon’s current low self-esteem.

Down the hall Leorio’s voice could be heard.

“Yeah, we exited the hospital. No, he’s fine.” Kurapika was on the other side, he finally responded his phone.

“Well it wouldn’t hurt if you came to visit him tonight. I know you’re buuusy and stuff” Leorio emphasised the word “busy” in a mocking tone trying to convince the other. It seemed to be effective.

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do, will probably arrive at the hotel around 7:30 p.m.”

Leorio’s expression changed from a scowl into a smooth one, he succeeded in convincing Kurapika to come. “Ok, we’ll be waiting for you.” After ending the call, Leorio spotted the two getting out of Killua’s hospital room. They were each carrying a bag and were quite confused as there was no time to think where they’ll have their stuff delivered. Before Killua got into his accident, both had planned to check in a hotel in the evening but with how the events turned out…

“Yo!” Leorio waved as he was approaching them. “Let’s go check you in the hotel Bisky and I stay at, we booked you a room.” The two boys were relieved to say the least.

When they arrived at the apartment the four of them were going to share, the two teenagers found a pleasant surprise as it was newly furnished and quite cosy. It was not very large but not cramped either by any means. Most of the walls were coloured in blue and purple shades. There was a big bathroom, a kitchen and a smaller living room that contained a TV, a coffee table and a sofa. Bisky had booked a separate room because 1.She was a girl with her own needs and being surrounded by a bunch of noisy guys didn’t help at all

2.Leorio hoped the fourth member would be Kurapika.

“So, do you like it here?” Leorio asked as he was taking off his shoes.

“Certainly.” Gon answered excitedly looking around taking in the surroundings.

“‘S cool.” Killua replied non-chalantly. “So where are we gonna sleep?”

“You can take the room on the left. Kurapika can take the other bedroom.”

“Are there two beds?” Gon asked self-consciously. Killua looked confused. “In each room there is only a double bed. But...” Leorio was cut off by Gon.

“I can take the couch. I mean so I won’t.. “ The last thing Gon wanted to do was intrude in Killua’s personal space. The latter was reluctant sure but it was just because he didn’t know what to make of his hazy memories. He felt a deep connection like a mutual understanding towards the boy, but at the same time he felt hurt for some reason and he didn’t know why.

“Didn’t we share a bed before? Like a sleepover or something.” Killua asked nevertheless.

“We did…” Gon replied bashfully. “But now..” Killua cut him off not giving it a second thought. “But nothing. We’re sharing.” He waved his hand dismissively.

At 7.30 they headed to the hotel’s restaurant where they were going to meet Kurapika. At the entrance, a familiar blonde figure greeted them warmly:

“Hey, long time no see.” Kurapika smiled.

“Kurapika!” Gon cried happily as Leorio and Killua both shared a smile. “Yo, ‘Pika! I’m glad you made it.” Leorio said.

Kurapika nodded. “Yeah, me too. How are you feeling, Killua?”

“Pretty good. Just a bit dizzy, I might not remember a thing or two but otherwise totally okay.”

Gon’s heart clenched inwards. They placed themselves at the reserved table and after ordering dinner, the four of them spent their time reminiscing and telling stories of what happened after they parted ways. They had a great time. At some point, the blond boy informed them.

“I decided to stay here for five days. Who knows when we’re going to see each other again. Thought I’d visit the town as well.” Leorio grinned:

“Thought you’d say that. That’s why we have a spare place for you in the apartment we rented.”

Kurapika raised a brow surprised: “Is that so? You must know me quite well then, Leorio.”

“You betcha.” He smugly affirmed which led to the other’s laughing. “Anyway” he continued a tad embarrassed “I guess I’m going to take the couch this night.” Kurapika grinned mischievously. “You bet.”

When they arrived back at the apartment, saying the four of them were tired was an understatement. They took turns in using the bathroom so they would quickly finally get some rest and sleep peacefully but even so, it seemed the night would not end just yet.

Kurapika and Leorio agreed on a movie to watch before going to bed.

“Let’s watch some action.” Leorio suggested.

“That wouldn’t be bad but how about a horror?”

Leorio suspiciously raised a brow. “I didn’t know you were a fan of horror.”

“I am when in the mood. But if horror is not your cup of tea I totally understand.” Kurapika grinned slyly. It was obviously a challenge.

“Bring it on.”

In the meantime, Killua and Gon agreed to play some videogames on the console available in their room. They were playing one on one and Killua was having the time of his life. Gon improved over time when it came to technology and games but was still not nearly as skilled as the white haired boy. Gon had 4 losses and one win while Killua took only one loss and 4 wins. Gon pouted:

“Argh, you were always better than me at these kind of stuff. Guess I have to work harder.” Killua giggled. “Maybe you’ll get better but don’t get your hopes up at beating me.” Gon showed his tongue. “Meanie.”

They played for another while with Gon eventually winning the last round which brought a happy “Evrika” out of Gon’s mouth with a smug Killua stating it was just the beginner’s luck. After they got bored, Gon offered it was a good idea to take some rest at which Killua definitely agreed with a yawn.

“I had a lot of fun today.” The amnesiac boy said.

“I had a lot of fun as well.” Gon smiled. “I always have fun when I’m with Killua.” He showed his characteristical expression. The black haired boy practically beamed with light.

Just then Killua stopped. He stared at Gon intently.

_“I am really happy when I’m with Killua. I am glad to have met you.”_

_“_ Are you okay?”

Killua stepped out of his reverie. He remembered that moment. The exact moment when his heart seemed to stop and for the first time, in many years, felt he was wanted and needed.

“Yeah, no problem.” But the crimson spread onto his cheeks gave him away. Gon wondered what it could be but didn’t press the matter any further.

The second night was just not going to be as easy going as it was the one before


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: I have added the other half of the chapter (on chapter 2) that starts from "Down the hall Leorio’s voice could..." bla bla. It is pretty important as Kurapika visits them and comes into action so yeah. Thank you for bearing with my lack of organisation hehe. Comments make my day always thank you so much

The following day, Gon and Killua enthusiastically visited around the town just like they had planned when they first arrived. The two first had breakfast at the hotel and then went to see an interesting action packed movie, followed by a delightful evening meal consisting of dinner, coffee and dessert to Killua’s heart content, at a well known famous cafe. They finished the day by taking a stroll back to their temporary apartment. The white haired boy still didn’t remember much about Gon even after that night. But just before they entered the hotel apartment complex, an old lady’s shriek could be heard somewhere close by:

“Help! They took my bag. Thieves, catch them, please!”

Killua spotted immediately the said thugs. There were only two and apparently pretty bad at running. Sure they were much faster than the old lady but that went without saying. Killua’s instincts kicked in immediately as a dark aura and menacing stare surrounded him. The 17 year old boy was not usually going around making charity deeds but tonight he decided those idiots really pissed him off and disturbed a rather pleasant starless night walk.

“Killua, let’s go. They are headed over here.” Gon pointed at them as he noticed the subtle but quick change to his “killing mode”. Hearing those words Killua just nodded.

“But try not to kill them, ok?” Gon nervously giggled. Killua smirked in a sneer.

“I’ll try really hard.”

As the thugs made their way, somehow they had anticipated a policeman or bodyguard would want to stop them upon hearing the commotion.

“Get out of my way kids.” One of them shouted.

“Or you’ll get really hurt.” They noticed Gon and Killua’s pose and their fighting stance.

“As if.” Killua just dashed forward.

“Warned ya.” The man that first shouted got his way around Gon and a sharp knife cut through the raven haired’s flesh. Gon whimpered a tad but immediately after that he managed to knock off said thug by punching him in the face powerfully. Killua had long knocked the other guy’s lights out and noticed just as fast the injury on Gon’s hand. For some reason he couldn’t contain his fury and anger. It seemed like smoke made out of rage would pop out of his head any time now.

“You bastard.” The blue eyed teenager gritted his teeth.

The two were lying down very scared by now as Killua wanted to beat Gon’s opponent senseless. He threw a strong kick down to the man’s stomach. The one that had the audacity to actually hurt his friend. He was lying down in pain.

“Please, spare us.”

Gon just sighed rubbing his eyes and, in a calming manner, touched Killua’s arm.

“Killua, stop, it’s not a big deal, I’m okay, let’s return the stolen bag.”

He took back the old lady’s possession and returned it to her. “Thank you so much!” She expressed with gratitude and small tears formed in her eyes.

Killua was still a bit irritated but chose to listen and just briefly threw a hand through his hair.

“Alright, whatever.”

The police and hotel bodyguards were left to take care of the stealing amateurs.

Once they reached the 13th floor, Gon happily hummed as he unlocked the door to their place, apartment 149.

Killua raised a brow confused. “What are you so happy for?”

“Well, we caught those losers and helped that lady. Isn’t it something to be glad for?”

“Not when you were left with that nasty cut on your hand. Better do something about it.”

“Yes, mom.” Gon playfully stuck his tongue out. Killua wanted to smack him on the head but Gon was faster entering the apartment and running to the bathroom to take care of the wound.

That night was not easy because of the trigger that started Killua’s reminiscences. The nightmare was not concrete yet but having those stupid dumb thieves attempt at wounding his longtime friend was a catalyst .He dreamt of trying to persuade Gon of something but Killua failing. It had to do, probably, with protecting Gon as they were going… on a mission of a sort?

_“But you’ll have to promise me two things. One, if the enemy is too strong you get the hell out of there. Two, if I call it down we make our way out as fast as we can. Can you promise this?”_

The two promises seemed the same but they were not quite in reality. If the commander and strategist of the operation that could only be and was Killua at the time (since he had a much cooler outview than Gon on certain matters and situations) ordered to call down the mission so should be done. But if they couldn’t use phones or communicate in any way, Gon should snap out alone of his suicidal mindset and get out of any dangerous situation, he had to assess things properly, much to Killua’s concern. He remembered that time after Kite was killed and before they were going to go alone in the Ant’s nest. That was when he spoke those words. The only problem was that the white haired boy would still not exactly remember about the ants and Kite but just deems it, during the dream, as a mere distorted and blurred “mission”.

 _“I can’t stay around and do nothing. Kite needs me. We will surely save him. I promise. Even if it costs me my life…”_ Who was Kite? But no, Gon can’t be saying that. He can’t mean that truthfully. It hurt.

_“Let’s go.”_

_“Who are you talking about? Us or only you? You dashing ahead doing things all by yourself. In the end, you did everything on your own.”_ He felt a certain shadow, a silhouette turning his back on him. He felt his knees trembling in fear. He was petrified not being able to move. He was mortified of losing the only one, the only one who understands him… that being…

“GON!” Killua woke up shouting in a cold sweat. Just as fast Gon opened his eyes, concerned at hearing his best friend’s scared shout. “What is it Killua?!” He was sleeping next to Killua and could notice his heavy breathing and rapidly pounding heart. He had been keeping a safe distance while sharing the double bed but upon noticing the very distressed look on the blue eyed boy’s face Gon came much closer to his comfort.

“What happened, have those thieves returned? Did they break into the house?’ He frantically tried to look around and find a good reason but then again Killua wouldn’t even break a sweat over such a small matter. Maybe he wanted to warn Gon? He cried his name after all.

Killua was still suffering upon the nightmare, anxiety and anguish being read all over his expression. Gon decided to gently rub his best friend’s back in a hopefully successful attempt at calming and putting him at ease.

Killua rubbed his hands nervously. “I’m sorry..”

“There is nothing to be sorry for dummy. Tell me what is wrong first.”

“You appeared in my dream and for some reason I thought I was going to lose you...” Gon’s heart stopped in his tracks.

“I think these were some past memories.” Killua then abruptly turned to Gon looking wide-eyed, facing him. He took hold of his right wounded hand and grasped it powerfully but not enough for the black haired boy to feel any pain. “I told you to promise me two things. To not go ahead and do something stupid… and yet you did. I wanted to let me help you but you wouldn’t let me in.” Killua’s body seemed to swiftly start trembling. “I was not good enough. You dashed ahead as you always do and I was not able to help you. I never felt so miserable, being aware of the fact I couldn’t save my closest friend. It was so _damn_ frustrating.” Killua’s expression turned into a frown. “I was so stupid and helpless… it was during a mission, I don’t know what exactly we were fighting for but… I couldn’t do anything to save you, I was not good enough, I…” A pair of diamond like stray tears rolled down Killua’s face.

He felt just like those times when he cried on Gon’s behalf but didn’t find any solution to save his closest friend. His only friend. The person most favoured in his life.

Gon’s senses and emotions were crushing all at once. He was not aware Killua could feel so powerfully. Not to him, not to anyone. Sure, he knew they cared for each other immensely, Gon realised his mistakes during the Chimera Ants fight and apologised properly… or did he? Because Gon would never imagine the intensity with which his “killer” best friend could feel… for him or anyone for that matter. Gon discovered a new side of Killua. He was knowing of the other boy’s sensitivity. Just as he was conscious of his own feelings of guiltiness, impulsiveness, care for the others and whatnot. But he still didn’t apprehend the depth and force of Killua’s feelings for their bond, their hopefully unbreakable and impenetrable connection, for the person closest to him. Gon’s heart broke in half that very moment.

He returned Killua’s grip on the hand reassuringly and gave him a big hug. Bashful cristaline tears started to roll down Gon’s cheeks as well, being deeply affected by the display. It was the first time Gon was crying for him, seeing Killua’s raw emotions and genuine feelings.

“It’s okay. I’m here and I will never ever go or leave you for that matter.”

Killua was not one to visibly show his emotions just like that, he had never done so before and chose above all expressing himself by blushing, being embarrassed and shoving off other’s displays of affection just like Gon had told him. He was easy to read though, but Gon thought his best friend was an extremely tough nut. Well this tough nut had a big heart.

“I’m sorry, I thought I had apologised but it’s not ever going to be enough for what I put you through. You saved me Killua. And yet I couldn’t even be aware of what you were feeling at that time. I’m so, so sorry. Please, can you ever accept my pathetic excuses or regret? Because I can’t forgive myself. Not until I see your world beaming with happiness and light, I won’t ever let go of being guilty.” He squeezed more tightly.

“You… don’t say that. You don’t have to be guilty. I don’t even understand very well what we were talking about. I just had to have that stupid nightmare..” Killua seemed to be feeling better, at peace with Gon hugging the hell out of him. It was his turn to feel Gon’s nerves on edge, anguish and trembling. He gently returned Gon’s gesture by rubbing his back. “I’m sorry I had such a reaction. I’m not even sure what was that thing about yet. Gee, I’m freaking embarrassed” A blush spread across his cheeks. “You don’t have to feel bad or guilty or anything like that. I’m okay. It was just a nightmare. You made it sound like indeed something had happened in reality but.. I don’t want to try to remember that right now. It seems like it sucked.” Gon just nodded barely stifling one of his sobs. He let go of Killua after a few seconds.

“We are together now.” Killua cracked a small smile. “I’m here, you’re here so you don’t have to worry about that anymore.” Gon returned the smile and wiped his nose that seemed it had been rubbed for some good minutes, that red it was. “What are you comforting me for?” _It is you who needs that, don’t you?_

“First of all, for that mess of a face you got there.” Killua sneakily threw a pillow at Gon.

The spiky haired boy was taken aback and showed a sly expression as he prepared to grasp the other pillow.

“What are you talking about?” He threw it in Killua’s directions but the other skillfully dodged grinning to his ears. “Your face is even worse than mine.”


	5. Chapter 5

Kurapika was dressed in a casual kimono while Gon wore one as well. Leorio wouldn't change his costume not for his life.

  
"Let's wander around." The blonde male took the lead and passed forward.

  
"Still acting like a boss huh" 

  
When they arrived at some 'catch the fish' game of course Gon and Killua would get hella competitive.

  
"Show me watchu got.'" Killua said.

  
"It's on!"

  
Gon smiled beaming. It was too much for Killua's heart but he HAS to focus. 

  
In the end Gon caught 6 of medium size and Killua 5 of smile size. 

  
"You may beat me at video gamea but that's something I excel in."

  
"Pff beginner's luck." Killua said that teasingly and stuck out his tongue. Gon needed no other minute to instantly try to catch a now running Killua.

Watching from afar Kurapika and Leorio were looking at some valorous antique objects.

  
"5 years and they haven't changed at all.". Leorio sighed happily.  
"Yea, they make a good team."

Killua was fervently watching out for a game that could beat Gon on it.

  
"Hey look!" he smirked "have you ever played darts?"

  
"No but I guess I could try."

   
As Gon was a born hunter inheriting Ging's exceptional abilities Killua was a trained assassin that could kill his enemy in an instat with great precise. Something bad is going on.  
"ok let's see. I just throw to land on the red circle. Pretty easy huh?"

  
Killua nodded laughing at his expense internally. But it was decided that the one laughing last laughs better. Killua lost by 1 point.

While walking around Gon was happily singing and poking Killua.

  
"Come on Killua why'd you be so competitive? Why are you poutinngg!"

  
He shoved Gon's arm away.

  
"Am not. It's just... How are you better at this?"

  
"you beat me at video games. Doesn't it count?"

  
With a low voice he said: "Y-yeah.." then he abruptly stop in front of Gon.

  
"Look!' Killua's eyes were beaming with light.

  
"What now?" Gon rubbed his red nose having stumbled in front of Killua.

  
Up there was a shiny sign.

  
"SAKE ALL YOU CAN DRINK + RAMEN"

  
"Who leaves Ramen at the back of the logo grr" Gon frowned.  
"Who cares? I need a refill after you beat me at two games."

  
"But Killua maybe that's not the best decision given your condition."

  
"Gon, don't be like that. I will get a few sips. Besid, you know that poisons of any kind do nothing to me."

  
Gon seemed pretty distressed and unconvinced but could he say no?

  
He followed Killua where they entered in the sparkly hotel's hall. Many people of every kind were having a great time, dancing, talking and drinking.  
"See I told you it's gonna be fine."

  
It can't be anyone but Killua.

  
Suddenly a memory poped up of his head but he shoolk his head trying to ignore Gon's hurt figure.

  
Killua went straight for the booth where an attractive looking bartender serving different beverages.

  
"Two mojitos please."

  
Gon was amazed at the easiness with which his friend ordered. Was it a habit maybe? Gon took a seat and Killua followed next to him.

   
"Right away." the ginger head boy answered with a smile.  
As they were sipping each through their delicious drink the bartender was painfully obvious checking Gon out. Killua was about to spit on his shirt.

  
"What is this dude doing? I'm gonna punch his lights out."  
For a certain reason Killua was snarky today unable to hold a proper conversation even when asked polite questions by the bartender. His aura screamed small talk around him and around Gon it screamed give me your number.

  
Killua would have loved to slap Gon too. What does he think he is doing laughing at all of the other's jokes. And smiling from ear to ear, where did he have permission to do that? That bartender might be attractive but it was nothing compare to Gon. He didn't deserve Gon. Wait. What am I thinking theoretically I don't even know this guy that well but why am I so attracted to him?

  
After taking the last sip Killua grasped Gon's hand commanding to leave the place. The spikey haired boy was confused.

  
"Why? I thought you wanted to be here and have fun. The atmosphere is nice too. And the people seem really cool."

  
The bartender could hear every word.

  
"The place is cramped I can't get any grasp of air. The music is too loud, lights too bright and people kinda suck.

  
I don't like it here. Let's go somewhere else.

  
Gon released himself from the grasp. As he was rubbing it Gon spoke:

  
"You are lying."  
"What?" Killua furrowed his brows.

  
The bartender leaned casually over the counter.

  
"Is he your boyfriend? Chill mister Anger Issues. You can't keep him on a leash or stop him from talking to other people. Right,Gon?"

  
Gon was totally puzzled

.  
"Let's go." Killua insisted managing to drag Gon around.

  
"You are not gonna get anywhere if your boyfriend is so posessive." The red haired bartender shouted smirking.

  
"We are not together and two even if we were that would be called cheating, idiot."

  
The other man just sighed and went back to his work. This was going to be a loong freaking night.

  
"Where are Kurapika and Leorio any way?" Killua mumbled under his breath.

  
Gon was still confused bumping into each person as he involuntarily followed Killua. 

  
"Killua, why are you jealous? Stop it." Gon started to whine. But just then a beautiful curvy girl stopped in front of them.

  
"Can I have your attention please?' She. Batted her eyelashes seductively. "I couldn't not spot you from above." He then faced Gon. "Can I give this cutie my number?" for some reason Gon was started to burn inside and fume got out of his ears.

 

"No. He's not my boyfriend but stop causing trouble for him. He's visibly in a rough position. Now if you'll excuse us."

  
Wow... When did Gon learn so many words to get formal? Killua laughed.

  
"Who's jealous NOW?" KIllua grinned as they went for the exit.

  
Gon rubbed his temples.

  
"Look, I wanna show you something."

  
"What?" he asked with sparkly eyes.  
"Unlimited boxes of Chocorobo?"

  
"I couldn't get them even if I wanted to." Gon said with a hand dismissively.

  
"Something else."

  
Gon took Killua's hand and walked like 3 levels until they reached the rooftop. A perfectly coal sky full of bright stars filled the landscape.

  
Killua was impressed immediately.

  
"W..wow. That's amazing."

  
Gon smiled. Remember when you first visited my house and we went on adventures and.. As we sat on the cold evening grass we promised to stay by each other and travel together forever?

  
Killua's pupils widened. His heartbeat almost seemed to stop. He remembered the certain part in that instant. But he couldn't tell Gon. It was cozy and sweet the eversame moment. Killua didn't want to ruin that.

  
After a while Killua remembered the scene in which he thought that his best friend was light and when he was utterly devastated at that he couldn't help Gon in a mission Killua still didn't remember.

  
"Gon" killua started uneasily. He didn't face his best friend. "What are we?"

  
Gon faced Killua though trying to figure his friend out.

  
"What do you mean? We're best friends right? Even if you don't remember..."

  
"But like..." Killua's breath was heavy, hitched and scared. "Do friends really worry about the others THAT much? Why do we care so much? I have the feeling that if something happened I'd endure torture and pain ... Just for you.

  
Gon's eyes widened. They both looked into each other's eyes for some brief moments before Gon got all red in the face and decided to pass out.

  
Killua caught his arms immediately.

  
"wh-whoa you idiot. Are you alright?"

  
"Strong emotions.. And the alcohol... Made me *burp* ah sorry." then he started to laugh like a fool.

  
Killua facepalmed. He took the other on his back yet again and carried him to Leorio's car.

  
"Y'know I'm really sorry.." Gon softly spoke.

  
"Geez what are you on about...now.." he halted feeling the wetness of Gon's heavy tears.

  
"For everything. Killua would have died with me but I just wanted revenge in the memory of Kite. You cared for me so much. I was selfish. Selfish stupid baka." he started throwig real punches to his head. Killua was startled by now.

  
"Oi stop that."  
"I am so stupid. Such a bad friend." he wimpered on and on

  
Killua didn't know exactly how to react. He just patted the other's hair that was spikier than he imagined.

  
Killua just wanted to remember all of it, to put the dots connected.

  
"If you still feel guilty after all these years and still cry and hover over it, then you are so far from a bad friend."

  
Gon barely opened his eyes calmer.

  
"...You think so?" He hiccuped.  
Killua lighly laughs while ruffing his current messy hair.

  
'Yea dummy." Killua wanted to put Gon down to wait for the other two. His best friend got heavier over the years no kidding. So did Killua. Before he could do that Gon softly uttered:

  
"I love you Killua."

  
Time stopped for Killua, flushed cheeks with a million of emotions in the tummy. He then slowly got a grip. like it was a pleasant sentence for life Killua said it back:"I love you Gon.  I wanted to help you."


End file.
